Okay, wills trusts planning—hands down the most adult thing I’ve ever pretended to understand while secretly Googling like a maniac at 3 a.m. in my underwear. I’m sitting here in my Austin apartment right now, cold Whataburger fries on the coffee table, AC blasting because Texas November is still 78 degrees, and I’m staring at the absolute dumpster fire I created trying to “save money” on my estate plan last year. Spoiler: I did not save money. I created expensive chaos for whoever has to clean up after I yeet off this planet. So here’s the real tea on the 10 common mistakes in wills trusts planning that I personally committed—like, all of them.

Why I Thought Wills Trusts Planning Was Just “Fill Out a PDF, Bro”

Dude, I’m 38, no kids, one dog, and a depressing amount of student loans. Figured I’d just download a $39 template from the internet, sign it in front of my neighbor who was definitely high, and call it a day. Famous last words. That “will” is currently in a shoebox under my bed next to expired coupons and a half-eaten bag of Takis. Classic wills trusts planning mistake #1: treating it like a Costco membership form.

Mistake #2 in My Wills Trusts Planning: Forgetting to Fund the Damn Trust

I set up this fancy revocable living trust because some Reddit bro said it avoids probate. Felt like a boss. Then I… never put anything in it. My house? Still in my name. Bank accounts? LOL nope. The trust is literally an empty envelope that says “TRUST STUFF GOES HERE” in Sharpie. I’m out here telling people “I have a trust” like I’m fancy, but it’s the legal equivalent of an empty pizza box. Total wills trusts planning facepalm.

The Time I Named My Ex as Beneficiary (Yes, That Ex)

Cut to mistake #3: I filled out my 401(k) beneficiary form drunk after a breakup in 2022 and forgot to change it. Still says “Jessica” who once threw my Xbox out the window. If I get hit by a Whataburger delivery driver tomorrow, guess who’s getting $87k? Not my sister. Not charity. JESSICA. Moral of the story: update your shit when you’re sober, people.

Wills Trusts Planning Blunder #4: Thinking “Per Stirpes” Sounds Like a Harry Potter Spell

I wrote “divide equally among my nieces and nephews, per stirpes” because it sounded official. Turns out I have no idea what it means and accidentally disinherited my favorite niece because her mom (my sister) predeceased me in this hypothetical. I literally cried reading the explanation on some law blog at 4am while stress-eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

The Pour-Over Will That Poured Over Absolutely Nothing

Mistake #5: I have a pour-over will that’s supposed to catch anything I forgot to put in the trust. Cool concept! Except everything is outside the trust because—see mistake #2—so now everything goes through probate anyway. I basically paid a lawyer $800 to write a love letter to the probate court.

Mistake #6: Using My Dog as a Witness (Yes I Actually Did This)

The Tax Mistakes in My Wills Trusts Planning That Make Me Want to Yeet Myself Into the Sun

7: Thought “unlimited marital deduction” meant I could leave everything to my future hypothetical wife tax-free. Cool! Except I’m single and named my brother as successor trustee who lives in California. Hello 40% federal estate tax + California probate nightmare. My CPA actually laughed at me. LAUGHED.

Mistake #8: Writing My Own Healthcare Directive While Watching Grey’s Anatomy

Wrote that I want “no heroics” but then added “unless McDreamy is my doctor.” The hospital legal team is gonna love that. Also checked the box for “artificial hydration” because I panicked and thought that meant free IV drips of Dr Pepper.

Wills Trusts Planning Mistake #9: Keeping Everything in a Safety Deposit Box (That Nobody Can Access)

Original will? Safety deposit box. Trust docs? Same box. Key? I lost it six months ago. So when I die, my family gets to drill the box open for $400 while paying storage fees on a box full of papers they can’t use. Genius-level wills trusts planning right there.

The Final Nail: Mistake #10—Never Reviewing After Life Changes

Got a new nephew? Didn’t add him. Sold the condo? Still in the trust. Adopted another dog? Kevin now has a brother named Pickles who gets nothing. Life kept happening and I just… ignored it. Like that gym membership I keep paying for.

Anyway, Here’s What I Actually Did to Fix My Wills Trusts Planning Mess

Finally hired a real board-certified estate planning attorney in Austin (shoutout to Ikard Law—they didn’t pay me, they just saved my ass). Spent $3,200 instead of $39 and slept for the first time in months. Updated beneficiaries, funded the trust (actually funded it!), named contingent everything, and put together a “death binder” that’s color-coded because I’m extra now.

Look, I’m still a hot mess who can’t keep a houseplant alive, but at least my estate plan isn’t held together by Takis dust and denial anymore. If you’re procrastinating your own wills trusts planning because “I’m young” or “I have time”—stop. Do it this week. Text your sibling, call your parents, whatever. Just don’t leave your people with my level of chaos.

Drop your own estate planning horror stories below—I need to know I’m not the only disaster out here. And if you’re in Texas and need someone who won’t judge your hot mess, hit up Ikard Law like I did. Tell ‘em the girl with the dog paw print sent you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, Kevin needs dinner and I need to find that safety deposit key before I accidentally become a probate legend.