Apply for US citizenship at 2:37 a.m. because daylight is for people with life plans. I’m cross-legged on my kitchen floor, cat walking across the keyboard adding random “mmmmmmm” to Question 14. Anyway, here’s the unhinged diary so you don’t become me.
## Step 1: Googling “am I even allowed” while eating cold fries
Turns out five years on a greencard + one (1) emotional breakdown = eligible. Mom FaceTimed mid-fry: “Mija, ya?” I hung up and stress-applied.
- USCIS quiz took me 34 tabs and one panic attack
- Accidentally clicked “I was a HABITUAL DRUNKARD” because the box was sticky from soda, nice.
## Step 2: The N-400 and the 400 Times I Saved Over It Apply for US Citizenship
Typed my name as “Ana With One N” again. Left “ trips outside US” blank because who keeps airplane napkins??
- Pro tip: screenshot every page or USCIS eats your soul
- Wrote “I cried at the Liberty Bell” under additional info (still there)
Official N-400, don’t be me
## Step 3: Biometrics But Make It Fashion Apply for US Citizenship
Wore mismatched socks, one has a hole, officer 100% saw my toe. They inked me next to a guy in a three-piece suit. My prints look like I tried to fist-bump the machine.
## Step 4: Interview Day, AKA Speed Dating With America
Officer asked “name two rights in the First Amendment” while I was thinking about soft pretzels. Said “freedom of pretzels” out loud. He snorted. I passed.
- Wore blazer over hoodie—business mullet, baby
- Practiced civics on SEPTA, old lady corrected my pronunciation of “judiciary”
Free quiz app that roasted me gently
## Step 5: Oath Ceremony, Population: My Anxiety
700 new besties, zero leg room. Dropped my flag, stepped on it, whispered “sorry liberty.” Lady from Vietnam handed me tissues. We’re ride or die now.
Dumb Stuff I Did So You Can Do Smarter Apply for US Citizenship
- Mailed to wrong lockbox (hello Phoenix, goodbye sanity)
- Spelled my own street “Oregeon” (that’s permanent now)
- Told officer I “once jaywalked ironically” — he wrote “ironic jaywalking” verbatim
Anyway I’m a Citizen and My Cat Doesn’t Care Apply for US Citizenship
Applying for US citizenship is basically adulting on nightmare mode. But when they handed me that certificate I ugly-cried in the parking garage, mascara stripes like war paint.
Do it. Spill hoagie juice on page 9, cry in your car, whatever. Just start here: N-400 again, I believe in you. DM me your grease stains, I’ll send you a virtual high-five and maybe a wet wipe.
P.S. registering to vote tomorrow in pajama pants and zero shame, catch me at the DMV living my best chaotic American life 🇺🇸🧀
wait did i forget to hit save on this post lol
sending anyway
xoxo your hot mess citizen, ana (two n’s this time i swear)
